So, I quit WoW

Another excuse to change my blog name ahh

WHAT?!

Its Aug?

For someone who wishes she was open-minded, I am definitely losing the battle. I am losing my willingness and passion to strive to bring out the better me. I feel like I failed. I failed myself. I am pushing away everyone that I care to come across. I am starting to fester old feelings that I worked so hard to forget and even get rid of. I wish I was more forgiving, but it's impossible. I can't forgive. I can forget it, but what good is that? I can't remember anything at all.

The biggest difference I saw between high school and the aftermath is the fact that people can choose whether or not to care about you. At this point of my life, I desperately need a good support system. What I thought I used to have was merely superficial. Everyone that I thought was close knew nothing about me because I masked it with all the unfortunate things that had happened. It was my way of coping, but would I have been okay without doing that? I fucked up far too many times to repair. What I tried to make my new life was really my old life in a different place. I need to forgive those who wronged me, forgive myself for wronging others and move on. This is so difficult and without a good support system, how do I do it? Am I strong enough to? Turns out, no one wants a basket case. Is this what I am or did I grow to be this? I'm getting sick and tired of myself. Very sick and tired.

I try so hard to free myself. I didn't experience the things normal kids did in high school, so I am attempting to now. But I'm 20 and they were 16. I don't have the time to fuck up. I've used that time to do terrible things, or let terrible things happen. I don't know why I can't just be happy or why I can't just love without hate. Or why I can't forgive and move on. I understand that life sucks and I shouldn't dwell, but its so hard when you're confused as to who your friends are and who is just being polite. I don't want to be socially inept. I want to have experiences and I want to share experiences with people and have them share back with me, but I'm growing away from people and I'm growing with a hardened heart.

My only fear, at this point in time, is apathy.

Jackie Warner

Okay, so... I was watching one of my favorite reality shows, "Workout". Don't ask me how or why I love it so much. I just do. Jackie Warner is the star of it. Not only is she the one running SkySport, but the show documents her life as a lesbian. Personally, I love Jackie. She is confident and truly knows herself. She knows what she likes and what she wants and most importantly, what she needs. I really admire her for that. She is also very beautiful. She looks like a good person. I find it intriguing. Even though she has no idea who I am or that I even exist, I just wanted to say that I aspire to be the type of person she is. She is incredible and if ever I happen to see her one day, I will seriously shit rainbows.

Jackie is amazing. I don't quite know why she stayed with Mimi for the amount of time she did, but it is so refreshing to see someone who knows themselves without even really knowing it themselves. Do you know what I mean?

hair - Plastic Lacing

I want plastic lacing or plastic tubing so bad. I've wanted it since high school, but I just couldnt afford it. Now, I can! I found an amazing website Beautifully Chaotic and I really hope I can find out what I need and what I have to do to get the kind of hair I want by AT LEAST THIS SUMMER!

I fucked up so hard

Today, July 4th, is the anniversary of my abortion as a result of rape. I like to think that it shaped me into a caring and better person, but I honestly don't think it did. My pain was all in vain. Funny how that works.

To Be Fat Like Me

I was flipping through the channel today when I came across a movie that I am pretty sure changed how I think. The thing is, I've always had an unhealthy obsession about weight. It wasn't that I was scared of being overweight, but I wanted to escape the labels that were being put on me as a child. I was always the fat one. I didn't know how to control how I ate and the worst part of it all is that I have taken weight as an identity and labelled myself with it. Instead of trying to escape, I endorsed myself in it. I am not going to lie. I have prejudice against heavier people and this is for a variety of reasons.

1. The outside is a reflection of the inside. That's why permabitches are highmaintanence and depressed people are sloppy. Of course, this isn't whole-heartedly the truth, and even I don't believe it fully.

2. I've never been there on an extreme level, but I got a taste of it and I hated it. I decided to do something about it. Of course, what I did was silly and just as bad. I tell you, as tempting as annorexia may be, it was doing more damage than none.

3. Self-induced. Lack of self-control? Unwillingness to excersize?

Here is the thing though. This movie changed a lot of how I thought. I know that everyone has a story. It's incredible how often I can forget that. It isn't that I hate bigger people. I just hate the labels and the taunts and the person that people do not see over the weight. I experienced it and I never want to go back.

This movie made me re-evaluate the things I say. It's right. What god-given right do I have to pass these types of judgements on people?

I'm sorry.

Sandwich from Macs

Sandwich, good.
Sauce, good.
Price, good.
Taste, good.
Presentation, good.
Tummy, hurts.

owie!

Eat what you farm

I eat rice.
Deric eats potatoes.
I like rice with ANYTHING.
Deric like potatoes with salt.
I could eat rice anyday.
Deric could eat potatoes everyday.
Rice has a long shelf life.
Potatoes don't have as long as one.
Rice can be eaten hard or soft.
Potatoes can be eaten hard or soft.

The important thing is that we are following our ancestries. Get in touch with your roots and eat what you farm.

I really want "eat what you farm" to be my new guild name.

UP is down

THIS MOVIE IS THE SADDEST PIXAR MOVIE I HAVE EVER SEEN. IT MAY NOT MAKE YOU CRY, BUT IT WILL MAKE YOU DEPRESSED AND YOU WILL QUESTION YOURSELF. THIS MOVIE IS ALSO WELL MADE IN THE SENSE THAT IT IS WRITTEN WELL AND SO MANY PEOPLE CAN RELATE TO IT NAMELY BECAUSE THERE IS DEATH AND DIVORCE. THERE IS ALSO OBESITY AND SENILITY AS WELL AS DYING, TALKING DOGS. THEY HUNT BIRDS -- RAINBOW BIRDS -- TO SATISFY THE OLD ADVENTURER WHO IS ALSO SENILE. PENNY DOES NOT LIVE. THIS IS THE SADDEST PIXAR MOVIE EVER, This is an incredible movie. Watch it.

FYI

The viagra industry is amazing. I saw a documentary on W-five about "Parma Sutra". The viagra industry makes an absurd amount of money per annum, but what if they could find something for females? They predicted that the market to enhance sexual experience for women would bring in more profit - more so than viagra.

Intrinsa was released with an objective to excite females that otherwise couldn't be. It is a testosterone patch. Another parmacy has also released a pill, much like viagra. And lastly, the last pharmacy came out with a nasal spray. The nasal spray was supposed to directly affect the brain exciting it and the genitals. Do these all work or did the pharmacies just make up FSD in order to make money. Keep in mind, they think the ratio between men and women in viagra is 1:3 --3x bigger. None of these are FDA approved.

The Liptonians

So, I saw a band yesterday at the Palomino yesterday in Calgary. My friend took me there to see his band, Matt Gig and the Intellectuals. They were really good and I enjoyed myself. Following them was The Liptonians. I don't really know why I was so attracted to their songs, but it made me cry and it made me smile and it made me laugh. For so long, I have been trying to de-attach myself from everything I enjoyed in high school, but after seeing them, I feel like I missed out a lot. Check them out. I think they are more than worth it. I wish I had a chance to talk to them. It is amazing what deep feelings of inadaquency does to you when you fall in love with something like music all over again. 

 

Mouse

So, guess who got the new WoW mouse from Steelseries? I'll give you a hint... it wasn't me =[

He got it and it is nice! The yellow can be changed to any spectrum! There is a pinky mouse that is more than useless, but overall, the grip is comfortable. I want it... so... bad. It comes in a cool box too.

Here is a tip if you want to get it. Order it through another party, not the website. EBGames has it, go to them! You'll save money, especially if you live across the border. yah... Canada is so foreign.

GAMECARDS

I DO NOT LIKE HOW THERE IS A +5 DOLLAR INCREASE.

Admittance

So, here it goes.

When I was in high school, I was a cutter. I did not cut a lot, but enough to gain the self-guilt that I have carried since my first episode. The last time I cut was in grade 11. or 12. I forgot. That wasn't the last time I longed to cut though, it was just the first time everyone figured it out.

I used to be on so much supervision. Now, I am better. But I don't know if I am.

When it is too much for me to handle, I want to do it. I want to so bad, but I don't because I love Deric too much. I love my family too much. I cannot do it anymore because the consequences are too great. The feelings I get only make me want to cut more and more. It is a vicious cycle... but it feels so fucking good. Why is this? Help me?

I fantasize about cutting sometimes. Fucked up? I fantasize about bashing my wrists and cutting my legs. If it wasn't for the people I love...

That is something a lot of people don't understand: the love and the adrenaline from punishing yourself. It is a penance when it happens. It may be painful, but at least I paid for what I did. At least I showed myself some discipline.

Don't worry about me. I don't cut myself anymore. Not since grade 11/12. I can't. I don't want to hurt the people I love anymore. I can't help but want it, but I know I can help executing it.

Fuck.

Tomato Juice

Do you really believe tomatoes can fight cancer? What if I have cancer?

Three days ago, I developed a case of food poisoning. I do not believe I will ever ever ever return to that restaurant again. The peculiar thing about this though was the fact it acted so quickly.

It was fucking painful.

It was horrid.

I kept thinking, what if I do have cancer? Then what?

Freedom

I was speaking with someone about "being free". Personally, I feel I was most free-spirited when I was in high school. I could dress how I wanted. Now, I have to look older and more professional. I understand why, but I highly dislike being caged in this look that society wants me to be. High school was a time for exploration and finding yourself, but as soon as I left, I had to change everything. I loved my style, though it might have been harmful to myself.



I am sick of not being allowed to wear thirty bracelets at one time, or wearing dresses+pants together. I hate that I cant wear my detached pants, or bondage clothing anymore. Looking back, I had created one of the only ways I could express my feelings and now, even though I live by myself, I feel more trapped than ever. Isn't it funny how it works out like that? Well... I don't think it is funny at all. I think it is bullshit. I want to go back. I wish I didn't give it all away. I want my childhood back.

Roommates

This week has been a bipolar experience in terms of roommates. I've surpassed tumbling points, friendly neutrality and hopeful imagery. Upon experiencing these different emotions, I realized something. Actually, Deric realized something, not me. I am definitely leaching the idea off of him.

Are people to be trusted? Deric and I are two different people. For me, people who I first meet start very well with me. As a result, when others do wrong, I get disappointed. I see people in very good light and as a result, I trust easily and get hurt easily too. Deric is the exact opposite. Sometimes, I think his way of thinking is better. It is good to NOT trust everyone first. People should be gaining their trust instead of abusing it. Here is the thing: while you may know your roommates (this excludes friends who move in with you), you don't actually know them. You live in a house with total strangers. Doesn't that astonish you?

Last year (2007-08), I had a horrible experience with ALL 4 of my roommates. They were either unclean, unfriendly or disrespectful. Since everyone starts off friendly with me, I have the habit of bottling the things that bug me until I can no longer stand it. While you may think this is wrong, the truth is people prefer it. Imagine if I had called on EVERYTHING. There is no way of winning when you have to run the damn place. Whether it is not looking at me while I'm talking or leaving your dishes in the sink for days until a certain stench overtakes the kitchen or trying to take advantage of me, I believe I tolerate it all. Now that I look back, there are only a few roommates - if that - that have helped me sweep the floor or clean the counter or were nice and realized that I require the same respect as anyone else. I should not be made out to be "the landlady" because I am first of all a student, but I am also a daughter and if I find a potential flaw of which it will affect the house financially and thus me and my family, then yes, I will choose my family which is something I am sure many people would do. I am not in the wrong just because I have said what is true and what people are afraid to say. If I have ex-communicated you or did not renew your lease, then there was a good reason in doing so. Just as I would not be offended if someone left, others should not take offense to me not renewing the lease. It does not work one-way.

Living with someone is very personal. Everything someone does is closely monitered and recognized by everyone else in the house. They probably know it more than the problem-tenant him/herself. If there is a personality clash or an inability to pay rent, then it comes with baggage. Stress about the house is the last thing that should be on my mind, or Deric's mind, or my family's mind because everyone has their own problems. Whether it may be school, work, children, other houses, other problems, I hope all my past tenants recognize that it was all for good reason. All I can say is that things would have ended up a lot worse had we continued. For example, I would not have been able to get Pieroguie if the dogs stayed. This does not mean I hated their guts. I can think of a few roommates that I would love to have as friends, but living together just didn't work out. It has to be recipricocated and while I may seem fine with some things, I am a drama enthusiast. I have had professional training in pretending and acting. I am not fake, I am polite. I am not a bitch, I am truthful. I don't hate them, I just need to live with someone else, anyone else.

If you're reading this and are Justin, Samantha, Miles, Mike, Kathryn, Samantha or Elena, just know that I like all of you and that is why I personally chose each and every one of you. I hope I do get to see some of you in the future. I know I see Samantha H sometimes and we say "hi!". I do not feel awkward because I feel it was best. This year, I liked all my roommates very much. Good luck and I hope everything works well.

Those who have yet to come, I am very excited. I have yet to find people that I don't offend or cause awkward, timeless conversations with. I am in the search to find people like me - a little provocatity and obscenity raised with an overkill of politeness and a hatred, yet full of ability, for politcal correctness. I'd like to meet people that were raised the same as me and thus, have the same values as me. Also, people who are openminded and are not afraid to speak their mind. I need to meet people that astonish me with their gaming trivia and impress me with random subjects. I want to love and not just tolerate. It is so important for me to experience someone with a positive attitude, but also is understanding and not superficial. Is this so much to ask?

Probably, but I think I found some. I'm super excited.

Experimental Poetry

Maybe my blog should become sound poetry. It'd almost be like a ...found sound poem hehehee.
Anyways, google "four horsemen sound poetry" if you don't know what the hell sound poetry is. It's okay, I didn't know either until I HAD to learn what it was. I'm kind of glad I did.

Hi Nyhm! I like your videos

lol I knew there was WoW music, but I didn't know there'd be MY kind of music! I shouldn't have jumped to that conclusion hahahaha. It is so phallic and innuendous.

NYHM HARD LIKE HEROIC (FEAT. SUMMERGALE) LYRICS

Gotta Insert my floppy

Grind Baby, Grind Baby
But not the leveling kind
I mean like playing WoW online
And then a rogue gets you from behind
So here's your chance
Drop my Pants
Like we're Raiding Grul, but
Like the mushroom from Mario Brothers
you are just gonna get one-up
In your Thunderbluff
Like a Shaman in the buff
You'll love my Totem where you PvP
I go for teens I'm just like Blizzard
and the ESRB
Staying up all night it seems
Carrening to caffeine
If you wanna raid late I'll Mountain Dew ya
Cause my Metal Gear's like Solid Snake
Hard to see but I'm breaking into ya

Hard like Heroic, More than you can handle
So let's do it like a Druid in the General Channel
Do it again now!
Hard like Heroic, More than you can handle
So let's do it like a Druid in the General Channel
Gettin' Woody now!

I love
That purple-headed staff because it's Epic
I think your Wii's the one for me
Because I'm swinging from the joystick
Moving to quick, carrot on a stick
Click on my button alchemy
But I got the notion that my Noggenfogger potion
Might give you the bone you need
Else you get small size like those Ally guys
No lies, cause Gnomes don't come equipped
And then we'll cyber like short circuit
Johnny 5 with a Microchip
Without a doubt I'm an epic mount
If you got a lot of Stamina I'll smile
And then Come back once in a while
Don't wanna subscribe just want the Trial

Hard like Heroic, More than you can handle
So let's do it like a Druid in the General Channel
Do it again now!
Hard like Heroic, More than you can handle
So let's do it like a Druid in the General Channel
Gettin' Woody now!

Hard like Heroic, More than you can handle
So let's do it like a Druid in the General Channel
Do it again now!
Hard like Heroic, More than you can handle
So let's do it like a Druid in the General Channel
Gettin' Woody now!

This is so nice

Is time worth $40.00? Hello Kitty is cute and definitely makes me as excited as a premature schoolboy, but some of her merchandise are so expensive. Take this clock for instance: sure it is in the traditional HK colours, red and white. Sure it has a cute apple imprint that looks even more impressive when you back up which is usually the distance you see a clock at. Sure the design makes you quiver and want to scream, but is it worth it? $40.00 could buy a child in Africa. a lot of BBQ pork buns or even 4 shirts from bluenotes. I have a clock. It is a spiderman one with a projecting light that projects it to the ceiling. It is also a digital clock while this one is an analog.


Ooooh... but this one is HELLO KITTY =[

Or how about this hello kitty watch? Sure it is beautiful and cute, but is it worth $995?!?!!?

I can't even think of all the things that I could buy with that money. First off, I could go to the 5 day seminar at Vancouver Film School which now looks more appealing than this watch.

I love you Hello Kitty, but why must you attack at the wallet? You are the simplest cat ever and yet here you are, kicking all the Asian and white girls' asses. I like you, but I hate you. Hellooo kiiitittyyyy STOP!!







Black - $220 Victoria Couture
Pink - $70
Bottom - Sale $133 Victoria Couture Shoulder Bag

I love Hello Kitty!!

Vancouver Film School

VFS has a 5-day program in the summer where you can sample their facilities. I would love to go. It is the perfect timing, but the cost would send me to the poorhouse and since I am still at school, I don't think I can go. It costs $985 for the 5days and that doesn't include air flight and lodging.

Money will always come as long as I put in the effort to make it. I would love to have the opportunity to act at VFS, but is it worth it? I have a few years to think it over, but I know the cost will only increase.

For a one year program, it costs nearly $20 000 for the tuition. Then, I have to find a place to stay and live. I would be in another city, one that I am not particularly fond of, but I would be chasing after something I have always wanted. In your opinion, do you think it is worth it?

I supposed the high price is the industry tactic of eliminating the people that can't afford. If I save and save and save, I know I can put something in that school. I have a few years to ready myself and hopefully I can. I understand that I probably will not land a future in anything close to this, but I know if I do not take up this opportunity, I will be full of regret.

Happy 5th Year Anniversary!

Deric and I have been together for five years. It may seem like a lot... and it is, but I would never give it up. The years have been like a broken rollercoaster ride, but what kind of relationship would it be if it was merely a train choo-chooing at 10 km/hr?

I wrote Deric a song.

You Are My Favourite

I asked myself if I love you
'Cause it's all too good to be true.
I love you with all my heart.

You are my Favourite.

I want to know what makes you cry,
So I can make those things die.
I want you to know I love you so much.

You are my Favourite.

You are the bumble to my bee,
You are my sunshine to the trees.
You make the wind seem so nice.

You are my Favourite.

You take me out to eat a meal,
Go out for a nice jelly belly steal.
and make my cake full of rainbow goodness.

You are my favourite.

You gave me a ring and made me glad.
Because of you I'm never sad.
I want you to know I love you so much.

You are my favourite.


I'll bring audio and melody when I have more time. wheee

New pick up line

So, as I was playing my druid, I discovered a pick up line that I actually fell in love with. Is it just me, or does that sound narcissistic? Anyways, I was running low on mana. I called out "INNERVATE" since mine still had a cooldown time of 3 minutes. Then, it was at that moment the pick up line struck me...

YOUR PRESENCE INNERVATES MY SOUL

Tell me that is NOT precious. heheh I love it.

List

Apparently, I said something intelligent yesterday even though it wasn't something everyone all ready knew. "It seems all I do is want and want even though I have everything I need". How about that? It seems I am finally growing up. I think I should make a "need" list to accompany my "want" list, but the problem is, I have everything I need. Do I want a "need" list or am I content the way I am?

Are you content the way you are?

It seems people nowadays are obsessed with making lists. If it isn't a "want" list, or a "need" list, then it is a "friends" list, or a "bootycall" list. Even though it is very logical to make one for categorical purposes, it is isolating a closed mind and blockading an open one. It tears people apart causing, in the long run, discrimination. It all attributes to organization. That's ironic... I mean, if lists really did do this, but if they did, would you rather become openminded and messy, or closeminded and organized?

I don't know how to deal with my wants and needs. I think I have to find myself.

More pew pew, less QQ

SO! Pieroguie Fei-Hong got neutered today! He got the laser treatment. Oh wow, was he ever mad! I will post a video of him later. I was so worried he would die on the table. He is just so angry now.

AND AND... he HISSED for the FIRST TIME! I'm so proud of him. I love Pieroguie sooo much!

I Look Up Towards Her 1

There is something about Nadeen Boman that I cannot get over. Who is she? She is the nutritionist in such shows as "last 10 Pounds Bootcamp" and "Bulging Brides" hosted by Slice. As many participants on the shows have suggested, she seems like a "bitch" just because she is a little bit harsh. What I see in her though is none of this. I see true intentions and a good heart.

Nadeen Boman is little and buff. She looks like she could be a harajuku girl mixed with a cyclone of super happy uplifting trance and a dash of militarists standardization . She is pretty and pocketsized. I do not know why I am so attached to this idea of portability, but she has it and she is why I watch either show.

Now, I understand I sound a little gay with her, but she isn't the "I-want-her-offspring" type of girl, but the "i'm-nice-unless-you-fuck-with-me" type. I think it is cute.

I hope Nadeen Boman gets really far in her career. At the moment, I can see she is happy. Her greenscreening on her website is very scripted, but it is very obvious that memorizing and delivering her messages the way she does is not a primary goal. I believe her intentions are true. It could be because of her down-to-earth personality or the fact that I think she would be a kickass person to be around. I don't know what it is about her. She is one of the people I look up to in television. The second is Sabrina Jalees. My blog on her is coming soon.

Happy New Year!

=]

Table for One

Today I attended a spectacular play. It was intended to give the audience an emotional rollercoaster, and it did! I cried, laughed, was afraid and the list goes on. It is certainly one of the most intriquing plays I have ever seen. I would not mind seeing it again tomorrow. It is called Cursed. 

The only thing not spectacular about my night was the fact that my bf got sick. It worried me and to be honest, it was very selfish of me to go to the play. I should have been taking care of him. I should have been making him things that would help him feel better, but I didn't. I went to the play and I went by myself.

Going to the play by myself was an experience I do not want to remember. Not only is there no one to converse with, but being surrounded by countless of groups of people is enough to make a person nervous. I stood in line alone. I sat alone. I waited until 8PM for the play to start by myself. I was beside myself while I was laughing, crying and was afraid. By the end, the only people I could reflect the play experience with was myself and it is this point that makes me feel the most lonely.

This is not a rant about my bf being sick, but rather an eye-opener for those who regularly go to plays by themselves. This rant refers to those who ask for "table for one" in a restaurant. I always wanted to know what it was like to go to the theatre by myself, but i can tell you... never again.

Tonight, I feel lonely. I can't imagine those who live alone. Suddenly, I have an immense appreciation for the "loners".

White

For the past year and a half, I have been dying to audition for a play. I am not a drama major, but it does not mean I have no interest. Everytime I try to audition, one thing or another holds me back. During my first semester, I did not think it was wise to audition seeing as I did not know the dynamics of the university yet. I tried to join various clubs to meet people, but never went out to the meetings. During my second semester, I did actually audition. It was for the Vagina Monologues and I really wanted extra credit for Drama class. I got into the production. Even though I had a very small part, I cherished it. It was the part of the 6-year old girl. We performed one night because it was for a fund-raisier. I was happy that I did something like that.  I did not try out for anything in the summer. The first semester of my second year, I did not audition, but I did an applied study where I went form school to school as a Storyteller. Now it is my second semester of second year.

I am very intimidated by the Drama students. I can pin-point a few students I am particularly scared of. Not only are they fantastic, but seeing them makes me not even want to try.

This last night, I auditioned for a play. I am very proud I did because it was an actual production. This would be my first one ever in university. The reason why I never attempted really was because I didn't think there was any room for an Asian character. It isn't offensive to me though because the majority of people auditioning were white people. I auditioned for a play called Arcadia by Tom Stoppard. It is set in England between 1809-1889 and 1989. The fact that it is set in England during the 1800s means those parts would be elimenated for me. 1989... I don't know. It is the director's take on it.

Now only is my ethnicity holding me back, but the fact that I have not been in an actually production in two years. Should I have waited so long? Should I not even pursue it?

My audition piece was "about a girl in love with a man". I told the director exactly that. He made a point of telling me many story lines fall under that, but with my eccentric ways, I notified him of the twist that I have not yet told him. It is about a girl in love with a man. If you analyze that correctly, a girl is any age under 18. A man is any age over 18. It is about a relationship between a 15 year old girl and a man who is her mother's age. Oh yes, and she got pregnant and he left her. 

My problem with choosing monologues is that my shock value for my pieces override my actual performance. 

I did this audition, along with my other Asian friend, to show the university that Asian girls don't just KAWAII it up and be bitches, but they can do daring things like audition for a white play and step out of their boundaries. I recognized so many of the names of the others who auditioned. I decided to do this audition the night before the audition itself. 

I think the director waas a little ataken when he saw my last name was Chan. My ethnicity was a major topic for discussion, but not in ways contributing to the play. I was asked to do accents such as British and Chinese. Typing it out here makes it seem racist, but it was different in the auditioning stage. 

The experience was the key point of why I did this audition. Because it is done and I didn't fail, I have to say that I loved it. I think that it is worth while to do it again even though it is a white play.

Teachers

This week is the start of school after holidays (Hanukkah if you are Juice and Christmas if you be t3h Christianz!). For those in high school, it means a continuation of a term, but for the post-secondary suckers, it means a new semester. 

I like the new semester for a variety of reasons.

1. You get to see, for the first time, who is in your class. It could hold your future best friend or closee-to-future worst enemy (I make those FAST!!). The icky Flutterfly feeling in your tummy FINALLY disappears. Yay!

2. The first class is the most repetitive. You can never go wrong. 

3. You can see how your life will be for the next four months.

4. There is no fourth reason.

I am taking a class with a teacher I have had before. Truth be told, she is difficult to listen to, look at and approach. 

Listen

I have but one word for her: expression. This is something she does not consider when using her voice. It not only drives me to suicidal thoughts, but would rather any other torture than this. She tends to attempt to make jokes which really are not bad. I am sure she is a good person.

Look

She really looks like a good person. I'm sure she has a husband, some kids and a nice house. She could very well help the poor, adopt a pet and  eat vegetables. She is not ugly, but she isn't hot either. The reason I say she is hard to look at is not for physical appearance, but the type of glare she tends to give when she looks at you (and she has AMAZING eye contact - it is as if she is looking at everyone at the same time... in their eyes!!). She looks down on students. Sure she is a doctor. Sure she is a hard marker. Sure she teaches the required classes. She has us by the balls.

Approach

With the monotoned way she talks and the look of death, it shouldn't be surprising that approaching her is difficult to do. Her thought is linear and she does not seem open to abstract thought. She is, however, quite intelligent though. She is the type to make a person a good writer technically, but emotionally suicidal. The last class I had with her, she nearly failed me because of my idea. I was supposed to write about friendship, but the idea of being friends with parents and having different types of friendship did not, apparently, meet her requirements.  She did not believe there could be friendship with parents and such. I would have very well appealed the mark had I been confident enough, but because of her condensending way of making me feel utterly stupid, I could not. 

Why am I taking this class then? I love the subject. I don't want to hinder my interests because of a hard marker. She is not discriminatory. She is linear in thinking. I want to learn and be better and if she can offer that to me, then I will set my risk of a GPA downfall to the side and do what I am passionate about. I understand this is definitely a Western point of view, but my nationality is Canadian even though I am Chinese Singaporean. Wish me luck.

PAP

Basically this: if you are a female, you should know what this is. It is terrible, but for me, it is beyond words. I am one of the few women who absolutely freaks out at this simple task. Not only do I scream, cry and not comply with the doctor, but I also shake, shiver and suffer. Today, I had a PAP smear. It is disgusting, but critical and must be done. Let me give you the downlow JUST IN CASE you do not know:

1. Knees to ceiling. Spread.

2. Relax. If it is hard to, you can prop yourself up using your elbows. 

3. In goes speculum.

4. Swab.

5. Exit speculum.

6. 2 fingers in.

7. Push, push, push.

8. Exit.

It sounds easy enough, but I can't even do step one. Step two was close to impossible and all the steps following... were just a blur of tears and fears. 

Now, I am sore as hell. I cannot sit properly. I cannot do anything. I just remember screaming. You may call me a pussy, and maybe I am, but all I know is that something is not right and I hope this does not last forever.

I THINK MY <3 JUST LAGGED!!

I got the shirt made. Oh... my... gosh. I love it sooo much. eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee hehehehehehe

I think my heart just LAGGED. My fav pick up line EVERRRR. I got this done at Apparel Ink which is an offshoot of American Apparel. I still love the Rocket, but this place is cheaper. The Rocket is amazing for it's quality, but because they charge $1 per letter/ picture, it can get pricey. At Apparel Ink, it is base charge $10 for anything. This is why I got the heart picture. Originally, I wanted the heart over my own hear, but I don't have wide enough shoulders for that! Oh well! I am so happy... and I didnt put in any exclamation points which i didnt think of until after the fact. Oh well. I lovez you, you shirt. YOU ARE SO 1337 FTW YOU HHEHEHEHEHEEEHEH

Epic video with n00b quality AKA Heather=producer, Corel=culprit

Here is the thing. YOU SHOULD NEVER USE COREL. It is an all right program until it has to be exported. It can't read worth poopoobrains. SERIOUSLY... it is terrible. You want proof? YOU GOT PROOF!! Epic video with n00b quality.

Could you eat Mike Shramm's box?

While in the can, I came across a very peculiar, yet intriquing discovery. While I was attempting to search for Murloc pick-up lines (which I never really found because I found this first), I saw something that just made up for the pain I was feeling while being on the toilet. At http://www.wowinsider.com/2008/12/21/murloc-bento-box-looks-strangely-tasty/, Mike Schramm posted a SUPER COOL bento box... WITH A MURLOC IN IT. Its so co0o0o0ol. Ta-da!! 

Could you eat a Murloc Bento Box?

Magic

Well, HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE. I realize today is the 2nd, but it is still '09! Yesterday, I was at Chinook Mall where I met someone whom I have not seen in quite a while. While on a pointless adventure around a mall full of shops we would never go into, we came across yet another long lost comrade of our very crappy high school. He was working at a kiosk of utter awesomeness (because it is way more worth it than The Rocket - though I love The Rocket to death). Accompanying him was his co-worker who was also a part-tme MAGICIAN/ILLUSIONIST. OMG tripped OUT OF MY MIND. He showed me numerous of tricks and WHOOEEOEEEOEEEE... I don't know. It was so addicting to watch. Remind me to never ever go to a magic show. I can't afford to be addicted to anything else now.