FYI

The viagra industry is amazing. I saw a documentary on W-five about "Parma Sutra". The viagra industry makes an absurd amount of money per annum, but what if they could find something for females? They predicted that the market to enhance sexual experience for women would bring in more profit - more so than viagra.

Intrinsa was released with an objective to excite females that otherwise couldn't be. It is a testosterone patch. Another parmacy has also released a pill, much like viagra. And lastly, the last pharmacy came out with a nasal spray. The nasal spray was supposed to directly affect the brain exciting it and the genitals. Do these all work or did the pharmacies just make up FSD in order to make money. Keep in mind, they think the ratio between men and women in viagra is 1:3 --3x bigger. None of these are FDA approved.

The Liptonians

So, I saw a band yesterday at the Palomino yesterday in Calgary. My friend took me there to see his band, Matt Gig and the Intellectuals. They were really good and I enjoyed myself. Following them was The Liptonians. I don't really know why I was so attracted to their songs, but it made me cry and it made me smile and it made me laugh. For so long, I have been trying to de-attach myself from everything I enjoyed in high school, but after seeing them, I feel like I missed out a lot. Check them out. I think they are more than worth it. I wish I had a chance to talk to them. It is amazing what deep feelings of inadaquency does to you when you fall in love with something like music all over again. 

 

Mouse

So, guess who got the new WoW mouse from Steelseries? I'll give you a hint... it wasn't me =[

He got it and it is nice! The yellow can be changed to any spectrum! There is a pinky mouse that is more than useless, but overall, the grip is comfortable. I want it... so... bad. It comes in a cool box too.

Here is a tip if you want to get it. Order it through another party, not the website. EBGames has it, go to them! You'll save money, especially if you live across the border. yah... Canada is so foreign.

GAMECARDS

I DO NOT LIKE HOW THERE IS A +5 DOLLAR INCREASE.

Admittance

So, here it goes.

When I was in high school, I was a cutter. I did not cut a lot, but enough to gain the self-guilt that I have carried since my first episode. The last time I cut was in grade 11. or 12. I forgot. That wasn't the last time I longed to cut though, it was just the first time everyone figured it out.

I used to be on so much supervision. Now, I am better. But I don't know if I am.

When it is too much for me to handle, I want to do it. I want to so bad, but I don't because I love Deric too much. I love my family too much. I cannot do it anymore because the consequences are too great. The feelings I get only make me want to cut more and more. It is a vicious cycle... but it feels so fucking good. Why is this? Help me?

I fantasize about cutting sometimes. Fucked up? I fantasize about bashing my wrists and cutting my legs. If it wasn't for the people I love...

That is something a lot of people don't understand: the love and the adrenaline from punishing yourself. It is a penance when it happens. It may be painful, but at least I paid for what I did. At least I showed myself some discipline.

Don't worry about me. I don't cut myself anymore. Not since grade 11/12. I can't. I don't want to hurt the people I love anymore. I can't help but want it, but I know I can help executing it.

Fuck.