PAP

Basically this: if you are a female, you should know what this is. It is terrible, but for me, it is beyond words. I am one of the few women who absolutely freaks out at this simple task. Not only do I scream, cry and not comply with the doctor, but I also shake, shiver and suffer. Today, I had a PAP smear. It is disgusting, but critical and must be done. Let me give you the downlow JUST IN CASE you do not know:

1. Knees to ceiling. Spread.

2. Relax. If it is hard to, you can prop yourself up using your elbows. 

3. In goes speculum.

4. Swab.

5. Exit speculum.

6. 2 fingers in.

7. Push, push, push.

8. Exit.

It sounds easy enough, but I can't even do step one. Step two was close to impossible and all the steps following... were just a blur of tears and fears. 

Now, I am sore as hell. I cannot sit properly. I cannot do anything. I just remember screaming. You may call me a pussy, and maybe I am, but all I know is that something is not right and I hope this does not last forever.